A Tattoo

For years I desired to get a tattoo. Something I knew I would have a difficult time acquiring... due to the life circumstances I had at the time. After all of my hardships and heartbreaks, I decided to listen to what my friends told me: do something for myself for once. What I’ve always wanted on my body was a saying that my family and many people in my culture say quite often, “все будет хорошо”. This translates to, “everything will be alright”. Whenever I would be going through a low point, a difficult time period, or feeling helpless; people would always tell me this phrase as a way of reassurance. It made me feel that it isn’t the end, that I can get through it, and that it will all turn out well in the end. There are most definitely times where I feel like nothing will end up being good. So, I decided for myself that I would get this saying tattooed on my body. This is so that every time I need a reminder, nor was there anybody around me at that moment to support me-- I could support myself and remind myself why I got this phrase tattooed, for the rest of my life.

Coming from a background with parents from the former soviet union, the idea of getting a tattoo would extremely upset my parents. So I knew that I would have to make sure that whatever it is I decide to get done on my body, it would have to be hidden enough so that they would never see it. In the time period when they grew up, the only people that had tattoos on their bodies were people that served time in prison, and each tattoo had a hidden meaning behind each of the pieces of art. For example, the number of crosses on a church was how many people they had killed. Teardrops would be the mourning of a loved one, so on and so forth. My parents didn’t want me to become a bad kid, or bad adult for that matter. In this culture, it is very often that people talk, and the last thing they wanted was for all their hard work of raising me to go down the drain with a stupid tattoo that they didn’t understand.

What my parents and (many other parents) have a difficult time understanding is that times have changed drastically. People can love whomever they want, have whatever they want, and be whomever they want. Including that of tattoos, or any kind of body art. People get tattoos now for self-expression, memorials of loved ones, or for whatever other personal reasons they might have. Whatever it may be, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business. As many people say “my body, my choice”.

Then it came time to actually get the tattoo. I was scared beyond belief. Why? I have no idea. I made 2 different consulting appointments, and dates to drop off money for a deposit. For whatever reason, I would drive 40 minutes to San Fransisco for these appointments, park my car, walk all the way to the shop, and the second I got about 5 feet away from the entrance I would have a panic attack, walk back to my car, and drive back home. The third time I decided “you know what? I’m just going to do this for myself.” Worst case scenario I end up hating it, and I can find a way to get it removed. When I went in there the woman with whom I planned this tattoo was the sweetest person on the planet. I had never felt safer in an environment that is perceived to be dangerous. I walked in, and the woman greeted me. We had a straightforward discussion, and she noted that I may want several options. She was so prepared, clean, and understanding, that when it came time for her to consult me with different options and variations, I felt at ease. She told me that she had an art degree from Russia. When I told her I wanted to get a tattoo of a heart somewhere just because, she was happy to oblige. I decided that I would get this tiny heart tattoo as a reminder that I should love my body no matter what. I was tired of hating myself for having stretch marks, cellulite, and fat in places that I wish there wasn’t. I really just wanted to start loving and accepting myself for the way that I am.

The process itself was almost painless. It felt like a cat was scratching my body with little tiny scratches. After the entire process was finished, and after going through with the touch-up, I was even more proud of myself than ever for finally completing something, and doing something for myself. With this experience, I felt mentally stronger. Looking back at this whole process, I understand that I needed this experience to grow, move on, and create a new chapter for my life where I will begin to work on personal growth.

They say that once you get one tattoo, you’re going to want to have even more. I couldn’t agree more—now I do want more. But I have also

created an understanding for myself that every tattoo must have some kind of meaning or symbol behind it. I’m not saying that everyone should get a tattoo, and I'm not saying that if it's meaningless it's a bad tattoo. No matter what it is you want: if it’s something you’ve been wanting for a long time, you should go out and do it. You'll be surprised just how much such a small thing can change your life.

Thank you, Olga, for your patience and skills in making my long-time desire come to life. Your advice on everything has greatly influenced me, and I can’t wait to grow as a person and come back for more slightly painful pieces of art, interesting life lessons, and health advice. Thank you again for everything.

Yours Truly,

Veronika